To all the women in my life,
I don't know what it looks like, but I want to love and support you in being true to your integrity, to who you are. Your expression, what you say, what you do, the roles you play. I want to create space, a safe space to untame, we-wild. What does that look like? Feel like? Conversation is the first thing that comes to mind. But even before that, I need to have awareness of the roles I play, what I say, what I do, my expression. I have to do my own work and break from the social coniditioning and my own perceptions of what it is to be a woman.
Of course I'll never fully comprehend the experience of being a woman, I'm a white male in a priviledged society. But I can start a journey. Of learning the stories of women. Of what it is to be tamed and have the desire to be untamed.
Sincerely,
Fellow Human
So I've just put the new-look website together (April 2020). Amidst the pandemic, I have had the time to update my content.
An excess of idle time has a curious effect on people. In particular it's made me more aware of my daily thoughts and activities. My main thought being: "If this is any sort of long term thing, then I'll not want to be bored" simply put. This leads me to projects, creative projects in particular. They have a limitless nature to them.
So I decide to re-work my website. Re-work my content. I mean It's been a few years. I've changed my views on some things, if for noone else but a place to record my thoughts for myself.
The "My Story" feature on Facebook Messenger, Instagram and Snapchat is making me uneasy. Why? I believe it changes the way we perceive relationships. It's nearly effortless and I've found when hanging out with people in real-time they, every so often whip out their phone to take a "snap". Why do people feel the need to share each moment of their day with so many other people? I honestly can't answer it. I can try however.
These people have a motivation that inspires them to pull their phones. It's primarily to let other people know what they're up to. Why? FOMO - a feedback loop, they let people know of their lives, people let them in on their's also. We all want to connect and feel connected with other humans, doesn't this achieve this? Yes and no, I think it's a mental shortcut of instant gratification, sure we may feel connected to one another but what meaningful habits are we developing to help this relationship into the future? More Snapchat? Don't get me wrong there are people who will catch up on a regular basis to deepen a relationship and that's great. My worry is for the people going through school at the moment 13-17 year olds, social media is ingrained in every facet of their lives. Before they've had the chance of catching up for a coffee or beer and connecting on a genuine level, interactions over social media is all they know and it becomes ever more important.
Before, to maintain a meaningful relationship you'd have to call them to catch up for lunch, a coffee or breakfast, at the least send them a text asking how they're going. What is a meaningful relationship? It's the result of a series of mutually beneficial interactions which, in their nature enrich the human experience. Subtle cues, body language, eye contact, the smells, the sounds, touch, making mistakes all add to us experiencing an interaction more fully.
The biggest difference I see between "My Story" and a genuine interaction is the ability to edit your responses and life in the virtual space picking and choosing what people read or see of you. This creates an underlying anxiety of "what if people see who I really am?" and "why is my life not as good as this person's?" and this is another reason for my unease, I ask myself the former and consider myself relatively immune to the effects of social media. What about the people who have created a virtual "life" around Snapchat or Instagram or Facebook?
Out drinking, it was late, I was grabbed by the beard and my face pulled towards another into a kiss a few weeks ago. I told the friends I was with and what had happened and their response was they assumed I had enjoyed it. It was laughed off as a fun story.
Why is it assumed that I enjoyed being kissed by a girl? It was forceful and unwarranted. I didn't enjoy it. Is it because I'm a young 20's something male? Initially I was more taken aback than anything, now after some thought, I'm feeling frustrated by my friends' responses.
If the genders had been swapped would it have been different?
Goals vs Dreams. Goals, if done right have objectives, measurable outcomes and an action plan ready to achieve that goal. Dreams have none of these qualities, they're not based on reality.
So have a think of what you want to achieve in 2017 or even beyond. Is what you want a goal or a dream? Do you have a plan in place to achieve it? Go out and do it.
There's no such thing as good weather or bad weather. "We can't go out today, it's raining." A common phrase. Doesn't this imply that the only times we can go out is when it's not raining? Why not see the "rainy day" as an opportunity to experience just another part of the broad spectrum of life?
Ok, I've had this blog now for a while longer than I'm willing to admit. I set out with the intentions of using this as a way to vent my thoughts. My writing, under the scrutiny of the public, could then get better as it's not just a private journal where no critiquing is taking place but my own.
That is what I thought about a year ago now...Times have changed, I've changed. Although I have much the same reason, that is improving my creative writing. I'm taking away the emphasis of "the public", I endeavour to create my own writing style through this experiment and learn a little more about myself and other people as I try and do every day. I'll be presenting my thoughts to everyone with the hope that it creates a sort of discussion between people and of course myself. The outcome is eventually to think more wisely, act more wisely, and go about our days more wisely.
Thank you and enjoy my posts to come.
Why is everyone chasing happiness? Happiness is an overused, illusive word that has lost its meaning. What does being happy constitute of? To be Happy is to do what you love. What do you love? It's a hard question to answer, honestly I don't know. Instead of thinking "happy" think "excited". It's much easier to grasp the concept of excitement.
You need to answer the question "What will it take for me to wake up excited about my day?"
How do you know what excites you? That comes with doing more and getting to know yourself. How will you ever find out whether something is for you or not if you don't give it a go?
Ever tried to tell a joke and that split nanosecond after the delivery you think, "I just totally nailed that joke" - only no ones laughing. You feel terrible.
I've spent the last two months feeling this way 80% of the time. Why? My situation. I'm working in the mines as a graduate, fresh from university. The old blokes have been working there 10, 15, 20 years and seem to have no trouble in entertaining, so my initial conclusions are:
The contrast between who I work with and myself couldn't be more pronounced. I'm a young, enthusiastic engineer (of which there is a huge stigma) ready to make a mark on this world. My colleagues have lost the spark in their eye, different backgrounds they're sucked in to the monotonies of the mining lifestyle. From my perspective it's hard to relate. There's two thought patterns to adopt, find a way of relating to people who are unlike yourself and relinquishing your desire to please other people, be completely comfortable in who you are and your humour.
It runs deeper than making people laugh. It's about how comfortable you are with yourself in cracking jokes, and how much you understand people. You can only benefit. Gaining a better understanding of people never hurts, we interact with people everyday the more you understand others, the more you can relate and inspire people to action.